How to Breakup
with Your Clingy Girlfriend and Get Your Life
by Michael Freeman, M.A.
Relationships should be a place for growth and comfort
for both partners. If you feel like you no longer desire to
be in a relationship, but feel stuck because of your clingy
partner, you need to resolve to leave. No matter if
your relationship is 2 months or 10 years, sometimes it
dawns on you: "This is no longer working for me."
Maybe you've realized that the relationship is unhealthy,
or maybe you just feel like moving on.
Regardless, you should never feel like
you're stuck in a relationship,
staying simply for your partner's benefit. This isn't only
unfair to you; it's unfair to your partner, who needs to
find someone who truly wants to be with
Obviously, it's your obligation to let your partner know
how you feel, so that you can both move on. However,
sometimes it's not so simple. If you're partner is needy,
clingy, and has a co-dependent relationship style, leaving
can feel close to impossible. This is compounded in the
case where the man is conflict-avoidant.
Unfortunately, the combination of needy girl and
conflict-avoidant guy is a common one. This is why so
many guys are stuck in unhappy relationships. Don't let
that guy be you!
Instead of allowing the relationship to go on forever,
you need to set a course to break up. Although it may seem
difficult, you can do it if you just follow a few simple
Take some time for yourself to gain clarity on the matter.
You have to decide with certainty that you're
ready to leave. Even if you're already sure, it's important
that you take some time for yourself just prior to the
break-up. This will help you gain confidence in your
decision, AND it will get you out from under her influence
so. At this time, you can summon up some of the power it's
going to take to follow through.
Understand that you will NEED to go through with this. You
may have existed in a relationship for years where you did
everything to please her, and despite all that, she may
hate you from now on. You simply have to accept
that if you're going to go through with this.
When you come back from your time away, tell her that
you've made up your mind that you need to leave this
relationship. If you think that she will go berserk, you
may need to do this over the phone or in writing (a letter
or email). YES, that's right: A letter or email
may be the most appropriate way to do
this. Despite what every other break up
article says, sometimes it feels impossible to break up
in-person, and it's better to do it over the phone or
through a letter than to wait several years while you build
up the courage.
Let her know that you know for certain that it's time to
move. Tell her that you don't regret your time together,
but that you've felt this way for a little while, and you
know that she'd want to do this as soon as possible. Be as
compassionate as possible, but remember: Sometimes feelings
cannot be expressed logically. Don't get hung-up on trying
to answer all her questions -- sometimes the answer is
simple, "Sorry, I don't know why I feel this way, but I
Take steps to separate ASAP. If she wants to persist in
talking about it, you may have to tell her that you no
longer wish to discuss the decision, otherwise you may be
talking about it forever. Do not suggest that you two will
be friends -- that rarely works out well, especially in
Once you've separated, take time to learn from your
mistakes, read some material about
healthy relationships, and savor your
If you still desire to leave your partner but are still
feeling hopelessly stuck, see my ebook, A Way Out: A Men's
Guide to Leaving Unhealthy Relationships --
you'll learn how to break-up as quickly and
compassionately as possible.